


genesis

by kernsing



Series: nostos [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Attachment does not equal love in this fic, Canon Universe, Fate, Force-Sensitive Shmi Skywalker, Gen, I love both the Order and Anakin, Jedi, Loneliness, Miscommunication, Slavery, The Force, actually it's cool if you have a different opinion, and no one can stop me, fandom is big enough for the both of us, fight me, lack of agency, this is just an excuse to write meta
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-05-20 21:05:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14901977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kernsing/pseuds/kernsing
Summary: 32 BBY | 968 ARR | first meetingsgenesis/ˈʤɛnəsəs/ —n. the origin or mode of formation of somethingSkywalker and the Jedi, in the beginning.1 (kismet): the meeting on Tatooine; Anakin, Shmi, Qui-Gon2 (shine): after the Council, on the ship to Naboo; Anakin, Qui-Gon





	1. kismet

**Author's Note:**

> While I don't think the Jedi handle Anakin's situation terribly well, I reject the idea that Anakin sees the Order as another form of slavery. Pardon my opinion, but if Anakin can leave without a bomb detonating inside of him, he thinks he's free. Poor boy doesn't have high standards. 
> 
> I also think Anakin is actually free while in the Order, but for more reasons than that.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **kismet** /ˈkɪzmɪt/ — _n_. fate, destiny
> 
> _You sing of loam from ages past and futures now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternatively: **prolepsis** /pɹoʊˈlɛpsɪs/ — _n_. an interjected scene that takes the narrative forward in time from the current point of the story

Anakin Skywalker woke to phantom music.

He heard it in the binary sunrise: the slow dissipation of the night, the first bright rays of Tatoo II, the streaks of pink gold against the endless dunes.

He heard it in his mother's eyes: the flash of wetness gleaming as she tilted toward the suns, the tangible sensation of her  _hope-sorrow-joy_ ringing in his head, her wish of quiet courage wrapped 'round him like a soft blanket.

Their emotions had always been shared. She could hear it too, that foreteller of fate crooning in his ears.

Fate is real: it is a force that guides you to certain paths, leads you to certain places, brings you to certain people. Yes; it is harsh, it is cruel, it is fickle and unfair. But it is rarely deterministic. Except for those unlucky few, there are times when fate provides the crossroads, not the specific way. And then it is you who chooses to take a certain path, traverse a certain place, love a certain person.

Anakin's childhood was cursed to have a want for crossroads. Before the day the Jedi came to Tatooine, he had heard fate's song of blessing only once. He had been five or six, and freedmen came knocking on his door to offer a path to liberty. He and his mother could sense the truth in their words, their sincerity.

"But we can only take the child," said the Twi'lek. "We do not have enough room in the hold for another adult."

"Or," said the Human, "we could pick you both up when we come back. But you would have to wait at least two months. We do not like our odds against paranoid Hutts with recently escaped slaves."

Shmi rested her hands on Anakin's shoulders. "Please," she said, "take my son. Let him know freedom. I can wait."

The Twi'lek nodded. He knelt down to Anakin's level. "Do not worry. Cutting out the detonator is a sharp but quick pain, and freedom is worth it a thousand times over."

The music played for him then, circling around the two men, singing like a love for fathers.

But he was young, too young, and could not fathom the thought of parting with his mother. So he shook his head. "No." His mother's grip tightened around him.

"Do not worry," said the Twi'lek, "we will be back again, save in the face of death."

His words rang true. Yet the melody played a sharp sadness. He clung closer to his mother, surer. "No."

"Anakin," his mother said, pleading.

He looked at her. "I want to stay with you."

She hesitated, but slowly nodded. "We will await your return."

They left, and with them the music. A week later, he and his mother were won by Watto in a bet. That night, her arms wrapped around him, she whispered, "I just want you to be free." Rocking him, wetness in his hair, " _I just want you to be free._ " He felt an anguish he should not yet know, the pain of witnessing your child's suffering.

He could not bear it. "I will be," he promised, anything to relieve that agony. "I will be."

His life would leave behind many broken promises, but this was not one.

He would be free.

He heard it in the endless sky: _Today you come to me_.

He reached up, up, up, and dug his fingers in wet, loamy earth, so soft and unlike the sands of Tatooine, whispering to him, _Kismet_.

 _Kismet_. Outlanders walk into a shop.

 _Kismet_. Strangers seek refuge from a sandstorm.

 _Kismet_. A bet. A podrace. A crossroads.

Qui-Gon knelt down.

For less than a millisecond, Anakin felt the echo of a future: love, pain, anger, grief, guilt, joy—and—a bottomless yearning for something he did not yet have, a longing for his culture, an aching for his people.

His mother lost hers when she was four; she was ripped away, language half-learnt on her tongue. All she had left of them were lullabies.

The echo threatened to overwhelm Anakin, make him keel over in that one moment. But then, as quickly as it had come, it was gone.

It still left his sixth sense disoriented, skewing his perception of Qui-Gon and his mother. Their lights swam in his mind's eye for a long few seconds. After he had recovered himself, he could not recall what he had felt, save a ghost of the endless longing.

He looked at his mother. He remembered his promise.

He said to the song: _This is the way I choose_.

Anakin Skywalker would be a Jedi.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Influences: (1) some [meta](https://gffa.tumblr.com/post/171538894015/glompcat-hey-everyone-i-am-incredibly-stoned) on time as nonlinear in the Force, (2) other [meta](http://bedlamsbard.tumblr.com/post/101375254743/aha-the-line-i-was-waiting-for-ive-seen-this) (cw: genocide) on the Jedi as more of a culture than a religion, and (3) a [tag](https://archiveofourown.org/tags/Not-Very-Hidden%20Meta%20in%20Fic%20Form) from this [work](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11088111/chapters/24734850). 
> 
> There's an interesting conversation to be had on whether Anakin's joining the Order is functionally a choice or not; I think he sees it as one for a long time simply because Qui-Gon asks for his opinion and that means something to him. 
> 
> _(11/29/18) I continue to be unsatisfied with the passage regarding the fairness of fate. I have edited it once more, and this time I promise that further expressions of "noooo that's not what I want it to saaaay" will go in their proper place, namely this here handy notes space. From now on, I will only edit grammar/continuity errors, phrasing, and unintentionally problematic things in stories that I publish online. This seems like a good policy._
> 
> _(01/13/19) I'm hopeless. I really shouldn't make promises I can't keep. Revised policy: if I do make some sort of major edit, I document it here in the notes. Here is what that one paragraph used to say:_  
>  "Fate is real: it is a force that guides you to certain paths, leads you to certain places, brings you to certain people. And it is by no means good. It is harsh and cruel, unfair to the extreme in its casual brutality to those in the wrong place at the wrong time. But, to its credit, it is rarely deterministic. Except for those unlucky few, there are times when fate provides the crossroads, not the specific way. And then it is you who chooses to take a certain path, traverse a certain place, love a certain person."


	2. shine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **shine** /ʃaɪn/ — _n_. the brightness that results from the reflection of light
> 
> _You climb above the sky, clear and clean and cold._

Anakin sat in an empty corridor of the spaceship and watched the blue-white of hyperspace dance behind a wide window. He tapped his fingernails against the walls to a familiar tempo, the clicking pattern of Tatooine’s burrowing insects. He wondered if he would hear them again soon.

Anakin was on his way to Naboo with the Queen and the two Jedi, his future uncertain, the hard floor chilling him. The warmth of his mother’s presence in his mind was gone, and in its place a gaping hole.

A part of him briefly indulged his wish to go back home, to have his mother’s gentle arms hold him and soothe him like they had done so many times before. But he could picture all too clearly the portrait of her grief when she saw him again on Tatooine. He shivered. Her suffering would be much worse than her absence. 

Anakin squeezed his hands around his knees and rocked back and forth. He could not return. It would be wrong. His sixth sense agreed with him, scraping against his skin like bitter wind at the thought. That was not his path.

His path was that of the Jedi. But it was a path guarded by Masters, and the Masters disagreed. They had sensed his fear, and they did not like it. They had pronounced him unworthy of his destiny, useless to their cause.

Anakin’s life in the desert drilled deep into his bones these axioms of survival: to be useless was to be nothing in the eyes of the Masters. The Masters control your fate. They will throw you away if they think you are nothing. Do not be useless.

Anakin would live by the rules of the desert for all his life, even during his time with the Jedi, who said “Master” as fondly as others would “Counselor,” “Teacher,” and “Parent.”

Footsteps echoed from the adjacent hall. Anakin lifted his head to watch Master Jinn, that mountain of a man, come down to sit cross-legged beside him.

“I do not doubt that you should be a Jedi,” Master Jinn began. “The Force wills it. It is being very clear to me.” He tilted his head. “As It is to you, yes?”

Anakin nodded.

“The Council is often blind on matters such as these, in the beginning. But they will see, and I will train you.”

Master Jinn sounded so _sure_. Anakin bit his lip. Ignoring his own doubts, he asked, “And your apprentice?”

Master Jinn clasped his hands together. “Obi-Wan is reasonable most of the time. He will see past his current anger—which, I assure you, has everything to do with me, and nothing to do with you. Heed not his words.”

_Dangerous_ , that voice rang in his head. A voice of a stranger, and yet in that moment Anakin yearned for its praise almost as much as he yearned for his mother’s touch again. He shook the confusion of the memory off. “If you say so,” he managed to say in reply to Master Jinn.

Master Jinn smiled, brief and faint. Anakin almost didn’t see it; the man’s face was solemn and still in an instant. “I am here to ask on the matter of your past again. The Council would be much more disinclined to send you back to Tatooine should they be aware of your mother’s current circumstances. I know you said that you do not want anyone else knowing right now, but I think it wise to inform them when we return.”

Anakin chewed the inside of his mouth and frowned. “What if they know, and decide to not train me anyway? What would happen to me then?”

“Anakin. There is something you must know. The Jedi Order as an institution will be able to do nothing about your mother’s freedom. She is not in the Republic, and we are inseparable from the Republic’s government—something I have always disagreed with, but it is the fact of the matter. The Council would probably try to put you in the custody of some Mid-Rim charity. Some of those have resources for Republic citizens’ relatives enslaved in the Outer Rim, but success is rare. I am sorry. We claim to be a beacon of liberty, but the Republic has always been insufficient on the matter of atrocities outside its borders.”

Anakin furrowed his brows as he listened, disbelief flickering through his mind. The Jedi had so much power, in battle and in spirit; they were like gods among mortals. How could ties to the Republic stop them from doing anything?

But that was a question for another time. For now, he asked, “But you think if we tell the Council about Mom, they will accept me?” His voice was skeptical. What, would pity convince them? Anakin did not want or need pity. He was more than his past as a slave.

“ _I_ think the Council will accept you in time no matter what. Eventually they must hear what the Force is blaring in both of our ears. But yes, I do think this will help. They seemed rather convinced that reuniting you with your mother is the best idea; the whole truth of the matter should convince them otherwise. And surely they would see that you are far more suited to the Order than to the Mid-Rim, where there are no fellow Force-sensitives. It is ultimately your choice, though. You have a right to privacy.” Master Jinn paused to look at Anakin, the old Jedi raising an eyebrow. “But didn’t you say you wanted to inform some others before long? So your detonator could be removed? Why not now?”

“Well…” He wanted as few people as possible to know. Did the Council need to know so he could be rid of that detonator?

“Think on it. You don’t need to make a decision right this moment.” With that, Master Jinn rose, his shadow blocking the glare of one of the hall’s lights. “Anakin,” he said as he loomed against the clinical white shine, “keep faith. You will be a Jedi. You desire it, and the Force desires it.”

Master Jinn nodded a gesture of farewell and left, padding down the direction he had come from, footsteps soon fading behind the sound of the ship’s engines.

Anakin continued to sit in his place, still uncertain, still cold.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like the Council a lot in how I interpret canon. I think they have Anakin’s best interests at heart in The Phantom Menace. When they comment on his fear, they do not mean to be reproachful. They mean to take into account Anakin’s emotions and upbringing when deciding whether he should be a Jedi or not. They come to the conclusion that Anakin will not mesh well with the traditional Jedi lifestyle, and so they will not train him, in part for Anakin’s sake. See 24:40–25:25 of [this podcast episode](http://laserbrainspodcast.com/post/168245666838/episode-5-phantom-menace-part-3), where the hosts discuss this. 
> 
> Unfortunately, Anakin and the Council are operating on completely different life experiences, and miscommunication ensues (see [this comic](https://kernsing.tumblr.com/post/175579391029/lord-brixie-every-time-i-see-this-im-equally), which I love). The Jedi are a multi-species culture that shares a planet with a trillion other beings, in a galaxy where their way of life is very much not the norm. They know one way of life does not suit all sentients. They know there is no shame in existing as yourself. They do not understand that Anakin, whose worth has always been measured by how useful he is in someone else’s life, perceives their rejection as an attack on his personhood. Unavoidable miscommunication is the heart of the Skywalker-Jedi relationship. 
> 
> That said, [here](https://archiveofourown.org/comments/169393676) is a comment with some criticism of the Jedi related to this scene that I agree with:
>
>> But where I do find fault with the Jedi, was their admitting he was too old for their way of training, taking him on, and then *trying to train him that way anyway!* It's like guys, maybe you should, I don't know? Adjust your methods instead of trying to fit this kid into a box where he won't fit? Just saying.
> 
> "'... And surely they would see that you are far more suited to the Order than to the Mid-Rim, where there are no fellow Force-sensitives...'" I am fond of the headcanon that Force-sensitives generally don't feel truly understood by non-Force-sensitives. Force-sensitives have this extra sense that is so important in how they parse the reality around them, this extra sense that just cannot be accurately described to and shared with those who lack it. This is why the Order is so important to so many of the Jedi, why it is not simply a government institution but also a people and a family: this is where so many of them first felt like they belonged somewhere. See the big paragraph right after the Ahsoka and Plo picture in [this post](https://kernsing.tumblr.com/post/179019398944/xenadd-im-having-a-bit-of-a-jedi-order). In other words, Force-sensitivity as a form of neurodivergence is still one of the best things the Star Wars fandom has ever come up with.
> 
> “‘… [W]e [the Jedi] are inseparable from the Republic’s government—something I have always disagreed with…’” This is most definitely only Qui-Gon’s fairly unpopular opinion, although, spoiler alert, Anakin likes it as well. Qui would be That One Jedi™ who’s like “kriff checks and balances! If we (extremely powerful, lightsaber-wielding and mind-controlling) hippies could wander freely throughout the galaxy, the universe would be a better place. Who cares about the ideal of democratically-sanctioned acts of good? The Senate is corrupt anyway, the obvious answer is to ditch democracy completely, that would totally result in better outcomes, y/n?” Most Jedi believe that while the situation with the Senate leaves a lot of room for improvement, it is still better than the Order being an organization of vigilante psychic space wizards. That paragraph was full of salt, wasn’t it. ( _Addendum: to clarify, I am criticizing the idea that the Jedi should be a powerful institution that is unrelated to any government. I am sort of fond of the idea of the Jedi becoming a sort of mendicant order. They wouldn't be able to do anything large scale, but small acts of kindness have their place in the universe._ ) 
> 
> I promise you that I do love Qui-Gon, the dumb plant man. Just in a sort of exasperated, “you bastard” sort of way. 
> 
> I promise you that I also do love Obi-Wan, but he is being an ass right now. Understandably so, but still. An ass. Like master, like padawan. Just wait till Anakin grows up. 
> 
> (Of course, Obi-Wan does get better by the next chapter. All it takes is the death of (1) Qui-Gon Jinn. 
> 
> Qui-Gon, more like Qui- _Gone_ , am I right or am I right? 
> 
> I’m so sorry.)


End file.
